MAN:
• Doily Shirts/Hats (Ed Hardy, Affliction, etc.)
• Designer Jeans with extravagant pockets/patterns.
• Pointy shoes (calling them “Italian”).
• Muscles bigger than brains.
• That “natural” orangle glow.
• Overly-styled/dyed/frosted/flat-ironed hair with half a jar of product in it.
• Liking only the most current/popular music.
• Showing off, pretending to be a high-roller and then under-tipping.
• Having no manners.
• Knowing very little about anything outside your own bubble.
• Getting a VIP table in Utah.
• The perfectly-sculpted chin beard.
• Sunglasses indoors.
• Arguing with the door guy about not having a membership.
• Name-dropping to make an impression.
• Calling other males "bro" or "dawg" years after graduating high school.
• Talking/cursing on your cellphone/bluetooth earpiece loudly in public.
• Having your arm fully extended, on top of the steering wheel of your car, with your limo-tinted window half-rolled down, visor on backwards, shitty rap music blaring, lookin' REAL HARD.
5 comments:
You've basically described 90% of the guys in Utah.
Hey dog, that's not totally right, I mean, Shit, you totally missed it the other day, when Diddy and I were riding down to Pearl to reserve our VIP table for New Years, we got to the club and the dumbass door guy didn't recognize who I was, so then we got into it, had us a little scuffle on the sidewalk there, i wound up ripping my damn Laguna Beach jeans, crushing my Gucci sunglasses, but wound up kicking his ass with those italian shoes I just bought anyway. You see, I don't wear them to be cool, but the point on the end comes in real handy if you need it as a weapon. :) - I just don't feel big enough anymore, since I stopped using the juice and all, so even though I'm stretching out that shirt of mine, and yes it's affliction, but only because i support the fighters of the mixed martial arts that Affliction sponsors, not because it's cool or anything. Anyway, even though I'm stretching that shirt out, I steel feel weak.
I don't know why you gotta knock on me and stuff, my Bluetooth headset is real handy, not just for all the idiots that don't seem to listen when I'm talking to them, but that little blue light on the side makes me look really cool, and it's easy for my friends and others to see me if I have it in. So, I've just decided to have it surgically attached, whether I'm on a call or not, I'll always be able to be found.
I only ride in my car with my arm fully extended, slouched down so you can barely see my head because it's comfortable, and I don't want be a spectacle on the road. My rap music is loud, because I need that base vibration to keep the carburetor flowing properly with gas, it's like a heartbeat, and if it were to be turned down, then the gas wouldn't get the proper flow to keep the engine running.
Damn sissa, why the hell can't you give a brother a break... You looking all fine and shit over there...
You make a good point Mic. Ha ha.
At last, a definitive list--I've been trying to be a douchebag for years, and now I finally know how.
You forgot:
Guys with No Fear stickers or Calvin Pissing stickers in the back window of their cars.
Guys at the gym who only bench press and do bicep curls.
Guys who have gone on Oprah.
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